It’s 1:38 am. I can’t sleep. I miss Chance so much. I’m used to her sleeping with me. Being a wild sleeper. Snoring and waking me up wanting a cup of milk. These are things people take for granted. I wish I could go back. I’d let her stay up as long as she wanted. I’d let her talk to me all night. She could waste nail polish everywhere. I wouldn’t care. I just wish she was here.

It’s so hard trying to go on. It’s hard being strong when you feel so weak. Right now my face is drowning in years. I had to watch a video of her because I felt like I was forgetting what she sounds like.. I needed to see that smile. But I think it made me feel worse. She’s still not here. And I just want her back.

I’m wishing that these past nine months are just a bad dream. I wish that I could wake up and Brandon and Chance would be right beside me. I wish that we were at the beach, playing in the water. Or at the playground. Or ChuckE. Cheese. Or just sitting on the couch watching Rio or Netflix. I’d give anything to cook dinner for both of them. Or breakfast so we could go to church. I’d let her play whatever song she wanted while we were driving down here to Marion. I wish I would’ve gone to my Erica’s house that day instead of staying home.

I just wish this was all a dream. It’s unreal. I wish my had my Chance back…