Author: Keisha Bowles

I'm a work in progress because each day that I wake up it's "Another day, Another "Chance"....

God’s Plan-Transparent Tuesday

I told myself on December 31, 2017 at my brothers wedding that I would be married by December 31, 2018. Because he met his wife in June and got married within six months. I felt like it was doable. Well, I haven’t been on ONE date ALL year. And if I’m honest with myself, I’m not ready for a relationship OR marriage. Besides, I block men ALL the time so, LMAO! No marriage for KB by December 31st. I thought that I would have been married by the age of 25 but now I’m 37. LMAO!

I told myself on January 24, 2018 that I would lose all of this extra weight that I had on me and I did. I was in the gym 5 days a week, ate clean, worked out with a personal trainer twice a week and I lost 22 lbs. But guess what, Chance’s angel date came around in April and I lost ALL motivation to workout. Popeye’s and Waffle House became my friends again and I gained back the 22 lbs PLUS 10. So, LMAO, again!

I told myself that I would have a house for Brandon and I by December 31, 2018. I wanted him to grow up in a home. My apartment is nice and spacious but I don’t own it. So, in November 2017, I started to work on my credit. I made some irresponsible decisions when I was in college. They were just GIVING credit cards away. Well, I took advantage of their offers and got five of them. What my 18-year-old self didn’t realize was that I had to actually PAY the bills every month. Needless to say, my credit has been screwed up for years. But I’ve always gotten what I wanted so I didn’t really trip about not having an 800 credit score. God still provided. But, I’m 37 now and there are things that I want for myself and my son. And I’m having the hardest time. As soon as I get my score where it needs to be for home approvals, something happens and my score drops. So, LMAO at getting the house by the end of the year.

But I had to realize that when you’re expecting something to good to happen, it’s going to cost you something. Hope costs you something. Expectation costs you something. It’s so hard to stand in readiness and you don’t get what you’re expecting. The Bible even says in Proverbs 13: 12 NLT that Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life”. When hope is delayed, it can make you sick. And I’m a living witness to that.

When you want something that keeps evading you, if you’re not careful, it will weigh you down. Literally. Anticipating something and it never happens costs you more than someone who wants nothing. That’s why there are so many people who settle for less because it’s easier to NOT expect or want anything. It’s so hard to want something and not get it. I know first hand.

Here’s a scenario: When your first start waiting for something, you’re excited and you’re all happy and optimistic. You walk around with make up on and you step out of the house dressed to the nines everyday. You just KNOW you’re meeting your husband that day. And then, your friend gets engaged. I mean, you’re truly happy for them but you were ready too. But, you’re still waiting. Next, someone you know finds a home and they close within a month. However, their credit score is worse than yours. BUT, you’re still waiting. You’re waiting but now, instead of leaving the house dressed up with make up, you pull your hair into a ponytail and slap on lip gloss and throw on clothes that match but you don’t look as good as you did when you first started your wait. You’re still waiting though. Then, the job you applied for and just knew was yours gets filled by someone less qualified than you. You’re looking around like, what happened, Jesus? I’ve been waiting for months for this job and you gave it to someone else first? Now, you don’t care about how you look. You get up, throw on a t-shirt and sweats. It doesn’t even match. You barely put lotion on your face when you leave the house and forget about make up. You’re tired of waiting and you’ve about just given up. BUT, you’re still “waiting” on the Lord. Waiting, waiting and MORE waiting. You say “I’ll get it after a while. He’ll show up one day”. I know I’m not the only one who’s tired.

You try to hold your head up but you’re tired. You try to be tough but you’re tired. You try to keep pushing and keep moving but you’re tired. You try to keep the faith and have hope but you’re tired. I don’t care how educated you are. Or how pretty or handsome you are. How committed you are. How loving and helping you are. How focused you are, YOU STILL GET TIRED! I’m not talking about the tiredness you feel when you go to bed at night but the kind of tired you feel when you wake up in the mornings. You go to work tired. Eat your lunch tired. Scroll Instagram and Facebook tired. Talking on the phone tired. Smiling and grinning tired. But nobody knows that you’re tired.

But I was listening to a sermon from TD Jakes and he said that the oil started to burn when you started hoping. It didn’t just start when you started doing. It started when you started to believe that something is about to happen in your life. In the midst of everything, we still have to keep going. You have to keep believing. You have to continue to get up. You have to burn the oil to keep on waiting. There is power in waiting. The Bible says in Isaiah 40:31

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

You have to be tough to wait. You have to be tough to work all day and work on your dreams at night. You have to be tough to go home and cook dinner and do school work or business plans while the kids are sleeping. You have to be tough to continue to see others being blessed while you’re still anticipating and waiting. You have to be tough to be able to work a job that only pays you enough to pay your rent but you have to wonder how you’re going to pay your utilities. You have to be tough. I know I’m not the only one going through a tough time right now and waiting for that breakthrough to come. I know it’s coming.

The things that you want are coming. But how you react during this time is what matters. You can either be wise or foolish.

Psalm 27:14 says “14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”

So, while you’re waiting remember,

Proverbs 23: 18 NLT  You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed.

 While I was writing this and the tears were falling down my face because I’m super frustrated, I realized that my plans are not God’s plans and that His timing is perfect. And even though I don’t have everything I want, I still have everything I need. God’s plan is always on time. 

Just keep waiting.

God has spoken…

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies

Proverbs 31:10

I found one. And she is my grandmother. Outside of my mother, she is the most classiest, sassiest, funniest, loving, God fearing woman I’ve ever known.

My grandmother, Cora B. Jones.

Let me tell you, when I was a kid, my grandma would make my dresses and dolls. She took me on trips. My favorite one is when she took my cousins and I to Pittsburgh one summer. When I got into high school, me, my cousins, Bri and Arielle would meet up at her house and stay on weekends. Sitting on trash cans and taking over her house. She never complained.

She and my daddy would go fishing for hours and hours. I don’t know they could have been talking about but they did it up until she couldn’t anymore.

When I became an adult, I started to go through things that I didn’t want to talk to my parents about. So what did I do? I called my grandma. Nobody knows the amount of times I would stop by her house or call her and talk for hours at a time. That was hard to do because her phone rang ALL DAY! She gave me some of the best advice that I still carry with me til this day.

Follow your heart but take your mind with you”

My grandma would look nice EVERYDAY! There wasn’t a time that I can remember that she wasn’t dressed up. And on Sundays, there was NOBODY cleaner than Cora at church. From her hat to her dress to her stockings to her shoes! She was fresh! And she would be guest speakers at churches and she was always requested to mcee a program. She was the best one I’ve ever seen. Grandma would write down everything that was said in between songs or speeches and when she got back up to announce the next thing on the program, she would be able to bring everything that happened back together. The best. If you didn’t see her in person, you missed out.

Around 2012, my grandmother started to get sick. I remember after Chance left, that she came over to my parents house where I was and she was quieter than normal. I recall her walking around the house with the house phone in her pocket. But I was too grief stricken to really talk with her. We could have bonded more because she too lost a child. Unfortunately, we never had that opportunity.

She was diagnosed with dementia. And this is a sickness that I hate. My grandmother who read everyday. Completed countless 1000 pc puzzles. The one who did crossword puzzles because she was told that it would help her keep her memory. Unfortunately, she would forget. No matter how hard she tried to prevent it from happening.

It’s so hard seeing someone as vibrant as she was slowly deteriorate. Everyday, she would get a little worse. One of the most heartbreaking things to experience is to look at your grandmother and she doesn’t know who you are. Then she started to forget who her children were. I remember my daddy being upset because she couldn’t remember him. Next, she started to get smaller. My granny was nicely built but she became a shell of who she was. And that’s hard to witness. I can admit that I didn’t go see her as much as I could have but I didn’t like seeing her in that state. That wasn’t the Cora that I knew. But I would still go to the hospital when she would fall and hurt herself. I went to the rehabilitation center to visit her but it was hard. In my opinion, dementia strips you of all of your dignity. I commend my Aunt Ollie for taking care of her day in and day out. I can’t imagine how hard it was to witness it daily. I’m praying that now she can try to get as close to normal as possible. My grandmother lived with her and my aunt did the best she could with her. Thank you, Aunt Ollie.

Do you remember the story of Lot and his wife? Lots wife was the only one in the Bible to ever turn into a pillar of salt. I don’t know why she looked back but the moment she turned to look back, she was turned into a pillar of salt. And it’s funny that she turned into a pillar of salt because like salt, her presence was important. Like salt, her presence was holding the family together. Because a GOOD mama holds the family together. Like salt, she was the preservative. The only reason why most families made it through everything that we went through aside from God is that a GOOD woman preserved the family. A GOOD woman is like salt because she keeps everything from spoiling. She makes it work when it’s not working. She doesn’t murmur and complain. She just does what she has to do to make it work. A GOOD woman can make her children and grandchildren feel like superhero’s even when things aren’t going right for them. She makes them feel like they can still conquer the world. A GOOD woman makes you want to cuddle up under her because a GOOD woman is a shelter in your life. A GOOD woman is like salt because she seasons up the house. She makes it a better place. She turns a house into a home. She turns a crisis into an opportunity. She turns a tragedy into a moment for us to believe in God. A GOOD woman is like salt. The food could exist but it wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t sprinkled in salt. She’s like salt because she’s a purifier and over the years she’ll take a wild child and purify him. She’s like salt. Everything is better when she’s in it. She cleans up messy situations and drives out bacteria. Telling the devil to get up out of her house! A GOOD mama will wake up and pray at 2 am while everybody is sleeping and cry and ask God to cover her family. You probably didn’t know that she was stressed because a GOOD mama never makes her kids worry. That’s a GOOD mama and a GOOD woman.

My grandmother is the salt. I’m not saying that she looked back but I’m showing you her importance in our lives. She could know the worst about us but still believe the very best about us. When all hell was breaking loose she prayed us out of situations.

On Saturday August 11, 2018 at 2:00 am, like a thief in the night, God called her home. I know in my heart that she was ready. I’m going to miss her sassiness. I’m going to miss popping up at her house. I’m going to miss calling her so she could make me feel better. I miss the butter rolls she would make me when I asked her to. I’m going to miss the annoying way her and my daddy would answer the phone when they called one another “whatcha saying with your mouth open? Blah blah blah.” That’s literally what they said to each other. But that’s my flesh speaking. She suffered for a long time and I know now that she is at peace and resting in that mansion that the Lord had prepared for her.

Cora B, you finished your race. You left a great legacy. I know God is pleased. And while you had to suffer here on earth your last few years, your reward in heaven is so great that I can picture how happy you are. Now, you’re with Pop, your parents, your siblings, your son Clarence Jr and granddaughter Sydney Chance. I’m sure they welcomed you with open arms and beautiful songs. Your crown is beautiful and that robe is going to be fresher than any suit you had on here. And while my daddy and his siblings will miss you, your grandchildren will make sure that things get better. We will meet you in heaven one day.

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.” ‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭4:7-8‬ ‭

‭‭

We love and will miss you.

#All2018…

Life really has a warped sense of humor.

Dating in 2018 is rough. Dating when you’re in your 30’s….a hot mess. People don’t know how to date. These days, texting is the new form of communicating. Social media is the way to see each other. Likes on pictures and SnapChat posts mean that someone MAY like you. Nobody wants to commit. Everybody wants to chill and sleep together but you can’t tell anybody that you’re together.

Um, what?

Single people are having a problem finding someone to marry.

Married people are trying to figure out what they’ve gotten themselves into.

Divorcee’s are afraid to try again. They’re afraid of being hurt and they now have a distrust for people.

To sum it up: Relationships are problems. 

The greatest source of pain and joy at the same time is a relationsh(it)ip. Love is happiness and hurt and at the same time, pleasure and pain. Most people I know, can tell you what it feels like to have love and the heartbreak of losing love. We carry memories of that hurt with us all of the time. I can’t even imagine being trapped in a loveless marriage. But that’s another topic for another day.

These days, people have intimacy without commitment. We say to each other, let’s have sex but don’t expect anything else from me. Um, what? Lets kick it and talk all day, but don’t think it’s too deep. We can go on trips with each other but that doesn’t mean we’re exclusive to each other. Again, um, dafuq?

We’ve gotten to a point where we want love but we don’t trust. How can there be love without trust?

So, what I’ve decided to do is focus on “self love”. The key to personal relationships is Interpersonal relationships. Getting along with yourself is more important than getting along with someone else. If you don’t like yourself, you can’t love me. And vice versa. That’s the ugly truth. How can you give love to someone when you can’t give it to yourself? But what you do is, you fall in love with yourself and become the most important person to you  And then, if you give yourself to someone else, you’re giving them something valuable. Why give someone something you don’t even want? Who does that? That’s the source of all problems. If you love yourself, you will protect yourself from being hurt.

The more you love yourself, the safer a person is with you. People (men and women) want to feel safe when they’re in a relationship. At least I do. I don’t like wondering if your intentions with me are pure or if you’re just with me until the next best thing(or you think) comes along. You aint coming back to me fam. #Nope

Nobody should be your sunlight. You shouldn’t feel that if you’re single, you’re in darkness. Booo, to that mess! You’re supposed to be the sun BY YOURSELF. And when you meet someone else, they should be their own sun. When you get together, you make a constellation. So, in case they leave you, you still have your light. You are no longer a parasite to them. When you come into their life, you’ll help them shine better. That’s self love.

While you’re in your singleness, figure out what you want and don’t want in a relationship. And don’t waiver. Don’t settle and don’t accept things you really don’t want to tolerate. Don’t be afraid to tell someone (male or female) what you will and won’t accept. Be firm on it. A real one is going to respect it or tell you that they can’t do it. At that point, you should be happy that. You don’t have to waste your time with that person.

I advise everyone that’s single to embrace this time in your life. I wouldn’t dare say that it’s easy. I know I exhaust my brothers with my relationship/marriage talks. I want marriage. I desire it. But I won’t settle just to say I’m married and just to change my relationship status on Facebook to “married to….”

When I really think about it though, Adam didn’t even know that he was lonely until God decided he needed a helpmate…..

Maybe I’m thinking about this the wrong way….(to be continued……)

What are some of the struggles you’re having dating #All2018? (I hate that hashtag, btw). What can we do to change the way we view relationships and marriage? Sound off in the comments.

Consumer Reports article

March 22, 2018

 

Furniture Tip-Overs: A Hidden Hazard in Your Home

Some makers do it right, but children still die from unstable dressers. And there are no laws to help prevent future tragedies.

By Rachel Rabkin Peachman

After church one Sunday afternoon in 2016, Janet McGee waited for her 22-month-old son, Ted, to wake from his afternoon nap. As family members busied themselves in their Apple Valley, Minn., home, McGee checked on Ted every 15 minutes or so. The last time she peeked in, Ted wasn’t in bed, and she noticed that the dresser had toppled over.

In an instant, the horrible reality set in. “He’s under there, he’s under there,” McGee remembers thinking. “I lifted the dresser up, and I started digging through the drawers because all of the drawers had fallen out. And there he was at the bottom. His face was purple. His eyes were half open. I screamed for my husband to come. I started CPR on him. My 11-year-old son called 911.”

Paramedics rushed Ted to the hospital, but medical staff couldn’t revive him. McGee remembers holding his hand at the hospital. “It was cold, and I knew.”

MORE ON TIP-OVERS
How to Anchor Furniture to Help Prevent Tip-Overs
TV Tip-Overs Still Pose Danger, Despite Lighter Flat Screens

The weight of the dresser had suffocated the little boy. And though family members were within earshot, no one heard a crash because Ted’s body absorbed the impact of the falling dresser. McGee and her husband, Jeremy, assumed their tragedy was a freakish occurrence. But they soon discovered that Ted was just one of many victims of what safety regulators categorize as a “furniture tip-over,” a sometimes fatal event affecting thousands of U.S. families each year. The McGees also learned that the dresser, an Ikea Malm, had been linked to previous tip-over deaths. Ikea did not decide to recall the product until four months after Ted died.

The tip-over problem is epidemic: Someone in the U.S. is injured every 17 minutes by a furniture, television, or appliance tip-over, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission. After declining for a few years, estimated tip-over injuries for children younger than 6 involving dressers and other clothing storage units increased in 2016 to 2,800 from 2,100 the year before, or by 33 percent, according to the CPSC.

Dressers and other clothing storage units account for at least 11 percent of furniture tip-over injuries, according to the CPSC. But it’s the number of tip-over deaths in the category—there were 195 reported to the CPSC between 2000 and 2016—that particularly makes it a crisis.

Podcast: Hear Moms Tell Their Stories

https://html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/6393784/height/90/theme/custom/autoplay/no/autonext/no/thumbnail/yes/preload/no/no_addthis/no/direction/backward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/bfd730/
The vast majority of the victims are children younger than 6. Many times, they cause the tip-over by climbing on the front of a dresser or by playing inside a drawer. Sometimes they’re alone in their room, and a parent, like Janet McGee, finds them.

To protect Ted in his home, the McGees installed safety gates, covered power outlets, and latched all cabinets—but they had never heard of a furniture tip-over. “It was just this little, tiny window of time where your life changes forever,” McGee told Consumer Reports. “Instead of planning his second birthday party that was supposed to be Elmo-themed, we were planning his funeral.”

“I had no idea that they made anything to strap down furniture.”

—KEISHA BOWLES, CONWAY, ARK. Bowles’ daughter, Sydney Chance, was killed after a dresser and the TV atop it fell on her in 2012. Sydney Chance was 2 years old.

Click here to read more.

 

https://www.consumerreports.org/furniture/furniture-tip-overs-hidden-hazard-in-your-home/

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/consumer-safety-advocates-call-for-stricter-standards-to-prevent-dresser-tipping/

I want a man. But…..

I’ve been seeing this meme on social media for a while. I’ve even shared it a few times because it’s so funny to me. Lately though, it’s been really on resonating in me. I’m realizing how true this is in most situations. Especially with women. Here it is.

How funny is that? Hilarious! But let’s be transparent and honest with each other. We’ve all done this at some point. We sit and home, vent to our friends and family via phone/texts telling them about how we want to settle down and get married. How we want someone to take us out and love us. Buy us small “just thinking of you” gifts. Random calls and texts during the day. Surprise dates at night. Weekend getaways. A companion to sit at home and watch television with.  Someone who’s a great role model for your children. And someone who makes you want to play out Destiny’s Child “Cater 2 You” song.  We want to be singing the song and catering to somebody the way they said.

“Let me help you, take off your shoes. Untie your shoestrings. Take off your cufflinks. What you wanna eat boo? Let me feed you. Let me run your bath water. Whatever you desire, I’ll supply you. Sing you a song. Turn the game on” I’ll brush your hair. Help you put your do rag on. “

Chile, this is what we want. But do we really want that?

Let me speak for myself though. I have guys that want to date me. But here I go again. I want a man. Here he comes. Then I’m like, naw bruh, not you! I then complain to people(mainly my brothers) about how nobody approaches me. Next, I take it to the spiritual side. God is sending somebody special for me. That’s why I’m single.

This meme is also funny to me. Sometimes I feel like when I’m talking to God that he’s giving me that face. Like, “Girl Bye!” He’s like, I’ve sent you plenty of men but YOU didn’t like them. One was not ambitious enough. Another one was too busy. One was stuck in his comfort zone. One wore ran over of Timberland’s. Ugh, you’re so petty KB. But honestly, God has sent most of us good mates. But we turned them down because they weren’t packaged the way we wanted them to be. Disclaimer: I’m not telling anyone to settle for just anybody just to say you have a man or woman. But lets stop looking at those things that seem trivial.

Get out of your comfort zone !!!!!!!!!!!

What I suggest to each of us single women and men is to write down exactly what you’re looking for. What are your deal breakers? What do you must have?

I’ll start with some things on my list to give you an idea.

He has to be a man of God. God must come first in his life. But let me say this, just because I want a man of God, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want him to be super fine, with a little bit of swag and a tiny drop of hood. I mean, it’s only right. Lol

He needs to be financially stable. I’m not saying that he should be golfing with Bill Gates every Tuesday but I wouldn’t want to worry finances. He must be able to manage finances.

If he has children, he has to be a great father to them.

He has to be intelligent, so that we can have great engaging conversations.

Now, here comes the shallow part. What does Mr. Right look like to me? I don’t really have a type. If we vibe and have a good connection, how you look doesn’t matter that much. Now, let’s be clear, he has to be handsome to me. Not saying that he has to be Idris Elba fine. But he can’t look like a oompa loompa.

Got it? Good.

I advise every one to make this list. These are not all of my must haves. I was giving you an example.

But what about you? Underneath that tough, raw, honest, blunt exterior of yours. What do you want? Most of you are loving and caring people. Are you going to keep all of that for yourself? I know some of us think that we are strong, independent black women who don’t need a man. But what about some man out there that needs you?-His potential helpmate. Loving strong Keisha, who won’t pull any punches, will always tell the truth, but will love him so much, he’ll believe he  can take over the world. Think of what we could be depriving our potential mates of. Just because we’re scared to think outside of the box or because we’re afraid of being hurt again.

But before we start dating people again, let’s make sure that we’re working on our hearts. For me, I have to work through my grief and some fears I have. Some may have to work on forgiveness, bitterness and man hatred. Let us forget about those that hurt us and didn’t have our best interest at heart. We have to forgive them for us. Not for them. So many of us are holding on to things that are keeping us in bondage. Don’t you want to be free?

Lets start this process over. Email your lists to me. We can go over them together. You can see what I can’t see and vice versa.

Last thing to remember, your journey is your journey. Stop comparing your life to those people you see on social media. Most of them are stunting so hard that even you would be shocked.

Until next time…Let’s be great! Lets be transparent! Lets be honest.

Keisha

Breakdown to Breakthrough….

So many times we look the other way when we’re in pain or when the people we love are in pain. Like I said last week, we ask how they’re doing but it’s just habit. We aren’t really ready to hear the truth behind the answers. Our family members and friends are suffering everyday and we won’t come out of our selfishness to really see their hurt. But do you know what they are? What we are(because we’re hiding, embarrassed and hurt too), we are, DEAD PEOPLE WALKING!!

I’ve never really watched Ivlana Fix My Life, but for the past two weeks, I’ve been enthralled in these episodes featuring Shelby and Neffe. This episode was so powerful. They’re marriage is…WOW! It’s always good to see what really happens in someone’s life. Not just what they “post” themselves to be. (that’s another post for another day though).

Here we have Neffe, she was a young mother, a young wife, angry, hurt, trying to find herself. I mean, she’s struggling to be who she really desires to be. Per her husband, she runs him away. He told her what he thought of her but she said basically that she’s grown and she can do what she wants to do. Problem one. She feels that her voice needs to be heard. No matter how rough and angry she comes across.  How many of us women feel that we have to be hard?

Then we have Shelby. Oh, Shelby. Let me say this, we do not acknowledge the pain men have. We don’t take the time to allow them to voice their frustrations and tell us what they really go through. But Shelby is a man that has had a rough past. He accepts things and doesn’t challenge them just to keep peace. He had a heart attack and he said that when he looked into the mirror he didn’t see anything. He said that he felt invisible. This man would have rather died than survive the heart attack.  Do you know that 10% of black men are depressed?  That’s nearly two million men!!! Do you know that most of them are not being treated because of the stigma’s associated with this illness? Let that ponder. But he enabled a lot of unnecessary things in his life. Like most of us do. He’s a man that didn’t have an outlet. Let’s stop looking away and putting our pain onto to men. Mothers, ask yourselves what we are bringing into our sons. Don’t make them so strong that they’re weak. It’s going to make them repeat the cycle.

He avoided the baggage that he has brought into the marriage. Neffe avoided the baggage that she brought into their marriage. We bring in so much bs into relationships. We don’t take the time to really heal from the things that we’ve been through. From issues with our families. Being abandoned by a father. Being beaten down mentally by a mother. Our children’s fathers or mothers leaving you as a single parent. Insecurities about not being good enough for love. Being cheated on or physically abused. We’re brokenhearted and exhausted. At some point these things that we’ve been through will show. We’ve all been through something that we’ve experienced that have changed and shaped our lives and made us who we are.  However if you’re reading this, you can change things.

And because we haven’t healed properly, we tend to hurt the new people that come into our lives. They don’t deserve it. And ultimately, we cause them damage. We turn them into people that they shouldn’t be. We make them bitter. We cause them to change from the good man or woman they were into someone that will eventually break somebody else down. We are killing them. Because we’re hurting ourselves.

We have to heal from the pain. We can’t keep hurting ourselves and each other over and over and over again. The cycle has to be broken at some point.

When Chance left, I got in two relationships that I had no business in. The grief I was in caused me to try to feel the void of her leaving. I didn’t give myself time to properly grieve. So therefore, you know what I did, I caused myself more pain. But you know what else? That’s not all I’ve been through. I’ve never healed from any of it. Here I am five years later realizing that I was ALLOWING more pain in my life. Because I was running from what I was going through. I’m not running anymore though. Again, another blog for another time.

When you don’t heal from your hurt, THE PAST WILL CONTINUE TO BE YOUR PRESENT!! Again, THE PAST WILL BE YOUR PRESENT!! Take responsibility for the things you’ve allowed in your life. Heal from it and move forward. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. Overcome the fears. God cannot move when you’re covered in fear. Fear is not of GOD.

The depth of the sorrow in your heart will put your life in danger. Here are some things that I hope can help someone else:

  • Don’t let anybody diminish your feelings. If you’re hurt by something or someone, face it immediately.
  • Don’t allow what you don’t accept. Remember, what you allow is what will continue. ALWAYS. Don’t start a relationship accepting the things you don’t like.
  • Don’t be a voluntary victim.
  • Don’t make dysfunction okay.
  • Pain will not kill you so don’t avoid it. When you face it head on, you can heal from it.
  • Don’t allow someone to continuously hurt you. Nine times out of ten, if they do it once, they’ll do it again and again.
  • Learn how to live. Don’t just exist.
  • Remember that depression can kill you if it’s not treated properly. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to say that you need help. Don’t suffer in silence.
  • You can’t heal what you don’t speak. If you’re hurting and you’re not saying anything, you will always have that same problem. You have to let it go.
  • Get rid of baggage and stop having fantasy relationships. While you’re trying to portray this perfect relationship and life for people, they know what you don’t think they know. So stop pretending.
  • Don’t invite the drama into your home.
  • Exhaustion is not hopelessness. Ask for help.

At the end of the day, God is a restorer and He wants to heal you. He can heal you and all of the pain that you’re going through. Don’t let what you’ve been through cause you to turn your back on Him. When the storms of life rage and you think you have nowhere to run, remember to look towards the hill to where your help comes. No weapon, depression, hurt, anger, helplessness, loneliness, sickness, desperation formed against you shall prosper when you give it over to God. Remember that God loves you and I do too…

Be blessed.