grief, Love, Sydney Chance

Recovery Mode

So I had a full blown meltdown on Friday. I came home from work and Brandon said, “Mom! Your computer is erasing EVERYTHING!!” So I grab it and immediately start bawling!! He was right. A virus somehow got on to my notebook and erased everything. All of my pictures and videos were gone!! Now I worked for HP and I couldn’t remember how to go into Recovery Mode to save my life! I started calling old co-workers for help and no one answered. I panicked. My pictures and videos and Chance were not on my computer. I cried for hours. I couldn’t function at all. I was inconsolable. So I turned the computer off and I left it alone. Luckily, I had all of the pictures and videos on my phone, my Mom’s phone and Brandon’s phone. But still, the thought of losing anything related to her just sent me into a frenzy. It’s a terrible feeling. You have no idea.

Well Sunday, I talked to my friend and I asked her(mind you, I worked for HP, I should’ve remembered this. But when you’re panicked, everything leaves your mind) how to do a System Restore. I tried and tried and it didn’t work. So I just gave up and decided to do a Recovery and Sync everything again. I went to bed with a heavy heart, AGAIN. I went to work Monday and when I got home my Mom was on the computer. I asked her how did it get fixed? She said that my Daddy told her that when he turned it on it was working fine! So I grab it out of her hands and start searching and again, I start tearing up. All of my pictures and videos were there!!! I can’t begin to explain how happy and relieved I was. Because when I thought that I lost everything, I gave up. But I really had nothing to worry about. I had a back up and his name is Jesus! And he showed me that when I think all hope is lost that he can recover and that peace will come back. I’ve been so much better since then.

Now what I just said may not mean anything to anybody else but it means ALOT to me. Now I know that Chance won’t ever physically be here with me again. But I will be fine. Everyday will not be good. I will still have days when I don’t see any hope or a way out. But since she’s in heaven, Chance is in everything. She can be a mountain. A tall tree. Like my Aunt Lynn says, Chance is a cool breeze when she’s outside working in the yard. She can be the bird that comes to sit by me when I’m sitting on the back patio. Or she can be the butterfly that rests on my knee in the middle of February(that actually happened last month). She’s that star up in the sky that I never noticed until she left. So she’s my hope when I feel all hope is lost. She’s my light at the end of the tunnel and she’s helping me keep going. To God be the Glory because I never would have made it if he hadn’t changed my mind. He’s always right on time!!! Please don’t doubt him.

So I have a picture that Chance and I took last year on 3/13/12. And it’s amazing that we took most of the pictures late at night when she was supposed to be in bed. Brandon was always knocked out when we had our photo shoots. She put on her princess dress and she would not take it off. I was laying on the couch watching TV and she came and laid in my arms. We took silly pictures and she fell asleep with her princess dress on. I thank GOD that he allowed us to spend those quiet moments together.

Well I’m off to bed. Blessings!!!

I hope you all have “another day and another Chance” to get it right on tomorrow…

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12 thoughts on “Recovery Mode”

  1. Keisha, I’ve been reading your blogs and quite honestly I am contented knowing that you can see glimpses of light, but I am also saddened that this is a loss that I know will never heal completely. That is your Sydney Chance and as long as you live her memory will live inside of you. As that year mark approaches, I pray that you are able to feel God’s LOVE more than ever, his strength like never before and his presence flowing everywhere you place your foot to walk. Sydney is part of you because she came from you, and although her physical presence is absent, her spirit never dies. It can’t die! She imprinted upon you and so many others, and even though I didn’t meet her I still feel her. For the longest, I considered her one of my angels. Be strong Keysha in these upcoming days. Pray without ceasing and believe without doubting that God’s plan is perfect. Love you chic!

    Michelle Davis

    1. Thanks Chelle!! I really appreciate those words. I remember you always commenting about coming to get her and how pretty she is. She definitely imprinted on me…love you back…

  2. Thank you Jesus for recovering those pics!! God is so good and he loves you Keisha! I can only imagine how you felt. Take your time in this healing process..you are doing great..waaay better than some would have.Some have experienced what you have and gave up on life.You are strong! Continue to heal and lean on Jesus..Love Ya!

  3. I’m just reading this.. I had a nerve block yesterday , and you know how that go.. But once again you make me proud.. Your faith, growth, strength and meltdown is in the plan.. So continue to hold on to Gods unchanging hands… I love you the mostest… And proud of you beyond measure… 🙂

  4. Wow! This had me in tears and joy all at the same time! You are truly and inspiration to our generation! Thank you for assuring me that when I think I have lost It that With Jesus I can recover it all. I now have another day and another Chance to make a difference. Blessings!

  5. Keisha It so good that you can remember her in such a sweet way because that what she was an angel! You keep your head up and know she is still smiling down on you and Brandon! I still pray for you because i know the pain of losing a child! ive lost three and its hard and it hurts but as long as you keep your hand in Gods hand it will be alright! Im so proud of u and u just keep doing what you are doing and keep making people aware! God Bless!

  6. HELLO KEISHA, I’M LISA JOHNSON AND I WROTE YOU ON YESTERDAY, JUST WANTED TO SPEAK ANOTHER KIND WORD TO YOU BECAUSE YOU CAME TO MIND. WANT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE TRULY AN INSPIRATION, KEEP GETTING STRONGER, SO UNTIL NEXT TIME, MUCH LOVE TO YOU MY SISTER,

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