To say that the past few days have been rough would be an understatement. Right now, it feels like I’m in a time warp. I’m remembering last year down to the minute. It’s almost been a full year that Chance has been gone and I’m still as clueless today as I was last year. I’m still having a hard time believing that this is real. Because I don’t understand. I mean, this feels so unreal to me. How have I made it this long without having her physically here with me? That’s a question that I didn’t understand until I heard a song today. And it’s crazy because when I was a child I heard this song in church ALL the time. But when you’re young in church, you’re singing the songs because they sound good and because you didn’t have a choice. But when I was driving to work today I put it on 95.7 because I didn’t want to play the music on my phone. Now if you talked to me last week you know that I was UPSET that I couldn’t transfer the music from my Iphone to my new Galaxy but I digress. (so far, I’m still losing on that end…but I was able to put my videos and pictures on it so I’m good.) So anyway, I was crying as usual on my drive to work and I turned the radio on and the song that was playing was, “We’ve come this far by faith” (I guess that’s the title but most of you know what I’m talking about). Anyway, the song was playing and I REALLY listened to the words and it made perfect sense. I mean, it’s like God was talking to me. So let me break it down the way I understood it….
“We’ve come this far by faith”-I’ve gotten the faith that I needed to get through this.
“Leaning on the Lord”-HE’s been my support and I was able to depend on HIM
“Trusting in HIS holy word”-trusting that HE knew what was best.
“HE never failed me yet!”-HE knew what I could handle.
“Can’t turn around, we’ve come this far by faith”-Can’t change the circumstances so I have to have the faith that he knows best!
It’s just amazing how HE gives you what you need at the right time. I can honestly say that’s it’s been a process getting to this point and some days I still have a hard time understanding but I know that HE knew what was best for me and Chance. And when I think about how happy my baby is, I get tears in my eyes and I just thank Him. I haven’t always been able to say that….so I’m making some progress and I’m glad.
Like I said, I’m constantly remembering the things that we were doing this time last year. And last year around this exact time, Chance was in my room with me. She had to go to the Children’s Hospital because she got a rash on her stomach that I felt was bothering her. So we went to the after hours appointment and the Dr. gave me a prescription for cream to rub her down with before she went to bed. We went to Walgreens before we went home so we were waiting around while they filled her prescription. We went to the aisle with the toys and Brandon picked out something(he had every toy that he wanted so he picked something small just to say he got something) Chance picked out a make up set. It was made for little girls and she LOVED putting on makeup but hated getting her hair combed. LOL. Well, when we got home, I bathed her while Brandon was getting ready for bed. I rubbed her down and put her in bed but she wasn’t feeling that so she came back in my room with her make up kit. She decided that she was going to give me a makeover. I recorded her doing it. And I’m so glad that I did. She was concentrating like she worked at the MAC counter. She was “beating” my face and herself in the phone at the same time. She is just that amazing…I’ll always cherish the videos that we have together…
When I’m feeling up to it, I’ll share the last few days we had with each other. I was able to record a lot of those days so I have the video’s to look back on. That’s a blessing…
Good night and I pray you all have “another day and another Chance to get it right…”