#All2018…

Life really has a warped sense of humor.

Dating in 2018 is rough. Dating when you’re in your 30’s….a hot mess. People don’t know how to date. These days, texting is the new form of communicating. Social media is the way to see each other. Likes on pictures and SnapChat posts mean that someone MAY like you. Nobody wants to commit. Everybody wants to chill and sleep together but you can’t tell anybody that you’re together.

Um, what?

Single people are having a problem finding someone to marry.

Married people are trying to figure out what they’ve gotten themselves into.

Divorcee’s are afraid to try again. They’re afraid of being hurt and they now have a distrust for people.

To sum it up: Relationships are problems. 

The greatest source of pain and joy at the same time is a relationsh(it)ip. Love is happiness and hurt and at the same time, pleasure and pain. Most people I know, can tell you what it feels like to have love and the heartbreak of losing love. We carry memories of that hurt with us all of the time. I can’t even imagine being trapped in a loveless marriage. But that’s another topic for another day.

These days, people have intimacy without commitment. We say to each other, let’s have sex but don’t expect anything else from me. Um, what? Lets kick it and talk all day, but don’t think it’s too deep. We can go on trips with each other but that doesn’t mean we’re exclusive to each other. Again, um, dafuq?

We’ve gotten to a point where we want love but we don’t trust. How can there be love without trust?

So, what I’ve decided to do is focus on “self love”. The key to personal relationships is Interpersonal relationships. Getting along with yourself is more important than getting along with someone else. If you don’t like yourself, you can’t love me. And vice versa. That’s the ugly truth. How can you give love to someone when you can’t give it to yourself? But what you do is, you fall in love with yourself and become the most important person to you  And then, if you give yourself to someone else, you’re giving them something valuable. Why give someone something you don’t even want? Who does that? That’s the source of all problems. If you love yourself, you will protect yourself from being hurt.

The more you love yourself, the safer a person is with you. People (men and women) want to feel safe when they’re in a relationship. At least I do. I don’t like wondering if your intentions with me are pure or if you’re just with me until the next best thing(or you think) comes along. You aint coming back to me fam. #Nope

Nobody should be your sunlight. You shouldn’t feel that if you’re single, you’re in darkness. Booo, to that mess! You’re supposed to be the sun BY YOURSELF. And when you meet someone else, they should be their own sun. When you get together, you make a constellation. So, in case they leave you, you still have your light. You are no longer a parasite to them. When you come into their life, you’ll help them shine better. That’s self love.

While you’re in your singleness, figure out what you want and don’t want in a relationship. And don’t waiver. Don’t settle and don’t accept things you really don’t want to tolerate. Don’t be afraid to tell someone (male or female) what you will and won’t accept. Be firm on it. A real one is going to respect it or tell you that they can’t do it. At that point, you should be happy that. You don’t have to waste your time with that person.

I advise everyone that’s single to embrace this time in your life. I wouldn’t dare say that it’s easy. I know I exhaust my brothers with my relationship/marriage talks. I want marriage. I desire it. But I won’t settle just to say I’m married and just to change my relationship status on Facebook to “married to….”

When I really think about it though, Adam didn’t even know that he was lonely until God decided he needed a helpmate…..

Maybe I’m thinking about this the wrong way….(to be continued……)

What are some of the struggles you’re having dating #All2018? (I hate that hashtag, btw). What can we do to change the way we view relationships and marriage? Sound off in the comments.

Author: Keisha Bowles

I'm a work in progress because each day that I wake up it's "Another day, Another "Chance"....

4 thoughts on “#All2018…”

  1. #All2018

    A married woman to a single woman, I’m amazed at how much insight you have on this topic to single nation. Very, very good, informative read! I can only imagine how hard it is out there now. Keep working, keep striving, keep loving.

  2. I repeat and shall continue to repeat THE BIBLE IS THE ONLY WAY TO SEEK MARRIAGE. For example, Women continues to say that all the good men are gone and that maybe true in their opinion but I say that God has a saved man out there for you. You just have to apply Matt. 6:33 NO ANDS, IFS, OR BUTS!!!!!

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