I’ve turned a year older and I literally feel the age increase in body! It’s funny but true. I’ve turned 36 years old on today but this year is a year of awakening for me. I’ve been in such a funk the past couple of months. Dealing with some health issues. Some deaths in my family. Raising Brandon. Working for Sydney Chance. Trying to date but not getting anywhere. (you can click on Single Life to start reading those stories).
Anyway, I’ve been working on this site for a few weeks. I change something everyday. But I’m pretty pleased with the results. I decided to start following things through. So I’m extremely proud of myself. I hope I can keep this momentum going. Because I have a ton of things I want to accomplish in this 36th year of my life.
I’m so thankful that I’ve made it this far. I know that if Satan had his way, I woulda BEEN out this piece. Lol
If you’re like me, you’ve experienced some heartache. Some disappointment. Sleepless nights. Uncertainty. Helplessness. Unworthiness, so forth and so on. And if you’re like me, these things have totally reshaped you. Sometimes they make you better. And sometimes they change you to the point where you don’t know who or what are you are anymore.
Don’t beat yourself up. It happens to everyone at some point. But the great thing about it is, while you’re breathing, you can let it break you or it can make you better than ever.
Being a woman, we have so many challenges. We’re most times single women. Single mothers. Hard workers. We’re the backbones of our families. But we’re also the ones that have to endure the most. The great thing about it is, God made us strong. And we are able to endure anything. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having a hard time. Just don’t let that hard time get you too far down. But even if it gets you down, you can always get back up.
For five years, I’ve been living in a state of confusion. Chance passed away and I became lost. I became depressed. I got sick. I gained weight. Chile, my skin even broke out. I’ve just been here. And you won’t believe it but I didn’t snap out of this until 2/7/17. A month ago when I was out for a walk with my brother and his dog Mitus. I had my music set to ALL of the Beyonce’s songs that I have in my phone and this song called “Runnin” came on. And when I tell you it hit me and woke me up….It did.
See, I got so caught up in my grief. So caught up in the fact that I was single. So lost in the fact that I haven’t accomplished all of the things that I thought that I should have by this age. I thought about the women around me who seem to have it all and I realized that I could too. But then I had to keep in mind that I don’t know the roads that they had to travel to get to that point. I had to remember to, that everything isn’t always as it seems. They seem happy and I hope they are, but are they really? I FINALLY realized that, everything has a time and a place. That everybody has a purpose. And just because mine isn’t social media perfect doesn’t mean that it’s not good.
A lot of women can’t survive what I’ve been through. And I’m not able to handle some of the things that you’ve been through. That’s why we are who we are. And we should be thankful for that. We are all wonderfully made with our own unique purposes. Tap into yours. Don’t live in fear. Don’t let people tell you what you should do. Follow your heart and ask God for direction. Know that it won’t be easy but it will be worth it.
Let me tell you what Beyonce said in her song(she just inspires me so much)
“I Ain’t runnin’ from myself no more
Together we’ll win it all.
Ain’t runnin’ from myself no more
I’m ready to face it all
If I lose myself, I lose it all”
So, don’t lose yourself in your circumstances. Embrace who you are. All of your flaws. All of your mistakes. All of the pain. All of the heartache. Take all of that and be you. Don’t run from anything anymore.
Also Solange has a song called “Rise” and it’s moved me too.
“Fall in your ways, so you can crumble” “Fall in your ways so you can sleep at night” “Fall in your ways so you can wake up and rise…..”
So what she’s basically saying to fall in your ways, the bad ones. Fall into them so you can sleep at night but when you wake up you should RISE! And walk in your purpose.
This is the year of learning and finding myself. If I lose myself I loose it at all….
I can’t lose again. I won’t lose again!