#All2018…

Life really has a warped sense of humor.

Dating in 2018 is rough. Dating when you’re in your 30’s….a hot mess. People don’t know how to date. These days, texting is the new form of communicating. Social media is the way to see each other. Likes on pictures and SnapChat posts mean that someone MAY like you. Nobody wants to commit. Everybody wants to chill and sleep together but you can’t tell anybody that you’re together.

Um, what?

Single people are having a problem finding someone to marry.

Married people are trying to figure out what they’ve gotten themselves into.

Divorcee’s are afraid to try again. They’re afraid of being hurt and they now have a distrust for people.

To sum it up: Relationships are problems. 

The greatest source of pain and joy at the same time is a relationsh(it)ip. Love is happiness and hurt and at the same time, pleasure and pain. Most people I know, can tell you what it feels like to have love and the heartbreak of losing love. We carry memories of that hurt with us all of the time. I can’t even imagine being trapped in a loveless marriage. But that’s another topic for another day.

These days, people have intimacy without commitment. We say to each other, let’s have sex but don’t expect anything else from me. Um, what? Lets kick it and talk all day, but don’t think it’s too deep. We can go on trips with each other but that doesn’t mean we’re exclusive to each other. Again, um, dafuq?

We’ve gotten to a point where we want love but we don’t trust. How can there be love without trust?

So, what I’ve decided to do is focus on “self love”. The key to personal relationships is Interpersonal relationships. Getting along with yourself is more important than getting along with someone else. If you don’t like yourself, you can’t love me. And vice versa. That’s the ugly truth. How can you give love to someone when you can’t give it to yourself? But what you do is, you fall in love with yourself and become the most important person to you  And then, if you give yourself to someone else, you’re giving them something valuable. Why give someone something you don’t even want? Who does that? That’s the source of all problems. If you love yourself, you will protect yourself from being hurt.

The more you love yourself, the safer a person is with you. People (men and women) want to feel safe when they’re in a relationship. At least I do. I don’t like wondering if your intentions with me are pure or if you’re just with me until the next best thing(or you think) comes along. You aint coming back to me fam. #Nope

Nobody should be your sunlight. You shouldn’t feel that if you’re single, you’re in darkness. Booo, to that mess! You’re supposed to be the sun BY YOURSELF. And when you meet someone else, they should be their own sun. When you get together, you make a constellation. So, in case they leave you, you still have your light. You are no longer a parasite to them. When you come into their life, you’ll help them shine better. That’s self love.

While you’re in your singleness, figure out what you want and don’t want in a relationship. And don’t waiver. Don’t settle and don’t accept things you really don’t want to tolerate. Don’t be afraid to tell someone (male or female) what you will and won’t accept. Be firm on it. A real one is going to respect it or tell you that they can’t do it. At that point, you should be happy that. You don’t have to waste your time with that person.

I advise everyone that’s single to embrace this time in your life. I wouldn’t dare say that it’s easy. I know I exhaust my brothers with my relationship/marriage talks. I want marriage. I desire it. But I won’t settle just to say I’m married and just to change my relationship status on Facebook to “married to….”

When I really think about it though, Adam didn’t even know that he was lonely until God decided he needed a helpmate…..

Maybe I’m thinking about this the wrong way….(to be continued……)

What are some of the struggles you’re having dating #All2018? (I hate that hashtag, btw). What can we do to change the way we view relationships and marriage? Sound off in the comments.

Consumer Reports article

March 22, 2018

 

Furniture Tip-Overs: A Hidden Hazard in Your Home

Some makers do it right, but children still die from unstable dressers. And there are no laws to help prevent future tragedies.

After church one Sunday afternoon in 2016, Janet McGee waited for her 22-month-old son, Ted, to wake from his afternoon nap. As family members busied themselves in their Apple Valley, Minn., home, McGee checked on Ted every 15 minutes or so. The last time she peeked in, Ted wasn’t in bed, and she noticed that the dresser had toppled over.

In an instant, the horrible reality set in. “He’s under there, he’s under there,” McGee remembers thinking. “I lifted the dresser up, and I started digging through the drawers because all of the drawers had fallen out. And there he was at the bottom. His face was purple. His eyes were half open. I screamed for my husband to come. I started CPR on him. My 11-year-old son called 911.”

Paramedics rushed Ted to the hospital, but medical staff couldn’t revive him. McGee remembers holding his hand at the hospital. “It was cold, and I knew.”

MORE ON TIP-OVERS

The weight of the dresser had suffocated the little boy. And though family members were within earshot, no one heard a crash because Ted’s body absorbed the impact of the falling dresser. McGee and her husband, Jeremy, assumed their tragedy was a freakish occurrence. But they soon discovered that Ted was just one of many victims of what safety regulators categorize as a “furniture tip-over,” a sometimes fatal event affecting thousands of U.S. families each year. The McGees also learned that the dresser, an Ikea Malm, had been linked to previous tip-over deaths. Ikea did not decide to recall the product until four months after Ted died.

The tip-over problem is epidemic: Someone in the U.S. is injured every 17 minutes by a furniture, television, or appliance tip-over, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission. After declining for a few years, estimated tip-over injuries for children younger than 6 involving dressers and other clothing storage units increased in 2016 to 2,800 from 2,100 the year before, or by 33 percent, according to the CPSC.

Dressers and other clothing storage units account for at least 11 percent of furniture tip-over injuries, according to the CPSC. But it’s the number of tip-over deaths in the category—there were 195 reported to the CPSC between 2000 and 2016—that particularly makes it a crisis.

Podcast: Hear Moms Tell Their Stories

The vast majority of the victims are children younger than 6. Many times, they cause the tip-over by climbing on the front of a dresser or by playing inside a drawer. Sometimes they’re alone in their room, and a parent, like Janet McGee, finds them.

To protect Ted in his home, the McGees installed safety gates, covered power outlets, and latched all cabinets—but they had never heard of a furniture tip-over. “It was just this little, tiny window of time where your life changes forever,” McGee told Consumer Reports. “Instead of planning his second birthday party that was supposed to be Elmo-themed, we were planning his funeral.”

“I had no idea that they made anything to strap down furniture.”

—KEISHA BOWLES, CONWAY, ARK. Bowles’ daughter, Sydney Chance, was killed after a dresser and the TV atop it fell on her in 2012. Sydney Chance was 2 years old.

Click here to read more.

 

https://www.consumerreports.org/furniture/furniture-tip-overs-hidden-hazard-in-your-home/

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/consumer-safety-advocates-call-for-stricter-standards-to-prevent-dresser-tipping/

Breakdown to Breakthrough….

So many times we look the other way when we’re in pain or when the people we love are in pain. Like I said last week, we ask how they’re doing but it’s just habit. We aren’t really ready to hear the truth behind the answers. Our family members and friends are suffering everyday and we won’t come out of our selfishness to really see their hurt. But do you know what they are? What we are(because we’re hiding, embarrassed and hurt too), we are, DEAD PEOPLE WALKING!!

I’ve never really watched Ivlana Fix My Life, but for the past two weeks, I’ve been enthralled in these episodes featuring Shelby and Neffe. This episode was so powerful. They’re marriage is…WOW! It’s always good to see what really happens in someone’s life. Not just what they “post” themselves to be. (that’s another post for another day though).

Here we have Neffe, she was a young mother, a young wife, angry, hurt, trying to find herself. I mean, she’s struggling to be who she really desires to be. Per her husband, she runs him away. He told her what he thought of her but she said basically that she’s grown and she can do what she wants to do. Problem one. She feels that her voice needs to be heard. No matter how rough and angry she comes across.  How many of us women feel that we have to be hard?

Then we have Shelby. Oh, Shelby. Let me say this, we do not acknowledge the pain men have. We don’t take the time to allow them to voice their frustrations and tell us what they really go through. But Shelby is a man that has had a rough past. He accepts things and doesn’t challenge them just to keep peace. He had a heart attack and he said that when he looked into the mirror he didn’t see anything. He said that he felt invisible. This man would have rather died than survive the heart attack.  Do you know that 10% of black men are depressed?  That’s nearly two million men!!! Do you know that most of them are not being treated because of the stigma’s associated with this illness? Let that ponder. But he enabled a lot of unnecessary things in his life. Like most of us do. He’s a man that didn’t have an outlet. Let’s stop looking away and putting our pain onto to men. Mothers, ask yourselves what we are bringing into our sons. Don’t make them so strong that they’re weak. It’s going to make them repeat the cycle.

He avoided the baggage that he has brought into the marriage. Neffe avoided the baggage that she brought into their marriage. We bring in so much bs into relationships. We don’t take the time to really heal from the things that we’ve been through. From issues with our families. Being abandoned by a father. Being beaten down mentally by a mother. Our children’s fathers or mothers leaving you as a single parent. Insecurities about not being good enough for love. Being cheated on or physically abused. We’re brokenhearted and exhausted. At some point these things that we’ve been through will show. We’ve all been through something that we’ve experienced that have changed and shaped our lives and made us who we are.  However if you’re reading this, you can change things.

And because we haven’t healed properly, we tend to hurt the new people that come into our lives. They don’t deserve it. And ultimately, we cause them damage. We turn them into people that they shouldn’t be. We make them bitter. We cause them to change from the good man or woman they were into someone that will eventually break somebody else down. We are killing them. Because we’re hurting ourselves.

We have to heal from the pain. We can’t keep hurting ourselves and each other over and over and over again. The cycle has to be broken at some point.

When Chance left, I got in two relationships that I had no business in. The grief I was in caused me to try to feel the void of her leaving. I didn’t give myself time to properly grieve. So therefore, you know what I did, I caused myself more pain. But you know what else? That’s not all I’ve been through. I’ve never healed from any of it. Here I am five years later realizing that I was ALLOWING more pain in my life. Because I was running from what I was going through. I’m not running anymore though. Again, another blog for another time.

When you don’t heal from your hurt, THE PAST WILL CONTINUE TO BE YOUR PRESENT!! Again, THE PAST WILL BE YOUR PRESENT!! Take responsibility for the things you’ve allowed in your life. Heal from it and move forward. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. Overcome the fears. God cannot move when you’re covered in fear. Fear is not of GOD.

The depth of the sorrow in your heart will put your life in danger. Here are some things that I hope can help someone else:

  • Don’t let anybody diminish your feelings. If you’re hurt by something or someone, face it immediately.
  • Don’t allow what you don’t accept. Remember, what you allow is what will continue. ALWAYS. Don’t start a relationship accepting the things you don’t like.
  • Don’t be a voluntary victim.
  • Don’t make dysfunction okay.
  • Pain will not kill you so don’t avoid it. When you face it head on, you can heal from it.
  • Don’t allow someone to continuously hurt you. Nine times out of ten, if they do it once, they’ll do it again and again.
  • Learn how to live. Don’t just exist.
  • Remember that depression can kill you if it’s not treated properly. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to say that you need help. Don’t suffer in silence.
  • You can’t heal what you don’t speak. If you’re hurting and you’re not saying anything, you will always have that same problem. You have to let it go.
  • Get rid of baggage and stop having fantasy relationships. While you’re trying to portray this perfect relationship and life for people, they know what you don’t think they know. So stop pretending.
  • Don’t invite the drama into your home.
  • Exhaustion is not hopelessness. Ask for help.

At the end of the day, God is a restorer and He wants to heal you. He can heal you and all of the pain that you’re going through. Don’t let what you’ve been through cause you to turn your back on Him. When the storms of life rage and you think you have nowhere to run, remember to look towards the hill to where your help comes. No weapon, depression, hurt, anger, helplessness, loneliness, sickness, desperation formed against you shall prosper when you give it over to God. Remember that God loves you and I do too…

Be blessed.

Chance’s 5th Angelversary 

April 3, 2012 started off like a regular day for us. Brandon, Chance and I got up and got ready for school and work. But for some reason on that morning, she was really quiet. Normally she would be running around the apartment and not letting me comb her hair but on this morning, she was chillin. I asked her what was wrong and she said “Nothing…”She wanted to wear her favorite outfit. It was something I bought for her birthday. A purple peplum shirt with black and white stripped pants. And she had on her YELLOW flip flops that she insisted on wearing. I told her they didn’t match but as usual she did what she wanted Well, we dropped Brandon off at school and I was taking her to daycare. Normally, we would be singing and laughing but on this morning she was just looking out of the window. I call my Mom every morning and Chance would talk to her but again on this morning Chance didn’t want to talk. So I dropped her off and I went to work.

While I was at work, I was on edge all day. Literally. Everything anyone said or did ticked me off!! I didn’t know what was going on. Well that day for some reason I felt that I needed to make amends with someone. And I did. I hadn’t talked to this person in about a year and a half. So that made me feel like I was making progress. My friend Erica and I planned to eat dinner at her house after work so I went to pick the kids up. When I got there, as usual, her hair looked like I never did anything to it. Lol. She ran up to me and hugged me like she did everyday and Brandon moseyed on to the car. This time on the way home she was singing and dancing like her normal self.
When we got home it was around 5:15. So I made the last minute decision to stay home and cook dinner. While I was cooking she was playing with Brandon and they were watching Netflix off and on. When I was done we sat down and ate. And she was super greedy but this night she ate everything on her plate. I said, “Were you hungry Chance?” and she just looked up and smiled at me. Brandon was picking at his food and I knew that he would want something else later. So I went to my room and I decided to wash my sheets because she slept with me that night and she had an accident in the bed and I knew that she wouldn’t sleep on them again unless they were clean.
After I put the sheets in the washer I went to the bathroom. While I was in the bathroom they went into Brandon’s room to watch TV. Well she was running in and out of my room. And I would say, “Chance get out of here” and she would laugh and run away. When she ran out the last time, I hid by my dresser knowing that she would come back in and I was right. She came back in and I said, “what are you doing Chance?” we were both laughing and she said, “I love you Mama’. I said, ” I love you too Chance”. I went back into the bathroom.
Three minutes later, Brandon runs into my room crying. I said, “What’s wrong Brandon?” He says, “The TV fell!!!” I’m thinking to myself, “Ok, why is he crying because the TV fell?” But I look in his face and I know something isn’t right. I run in there and I see something that will haunt me forever. I see my Chance underneath the dresser and she’s unconscious. I don’t know where my strength came from but I picked that dresser up and threw it and picked up my baby. I scream her name and she doesn’t respond to me. I run out of my apartment holding her screaming for help. The neighborhood kids come and they see me holding her and they start crying. I call 911. I’m still screaming and my neighbor Robin comes downstairs and calls my mom and tells her that she needs to get to Little Rock. The paramedics came and they couldn’t get her to respond. She starts vomiting because she’d just eaten. Still they couldn’t get her to respond. So they call Arkansas Children’s hospital and they airlift her. I couldn’t ride with her so Robin and her Fiance drive me to Little Rock. While on the road, my Aunt Carolyn calls me and tells me that everything will be fine and that nothing can get Chance down. Honestly, I didn’t believe her. Not for one minute. I’m crying and blaming myself the entire time. So when I get to the hospital, she hasn’t made it there. But my cousins have. I’m shaking and wondering what is going on. Then a Dr. comes in and tells me that, Chance has arrived but that it doesn’t look good. I jump up and I say, “What the hell do you mean it doesn’t look good? That’s my baby! What are you saying?” He says that her lung was collapsed and that she has severe head trauma. I told him that the dresser didn’t hit her head, that it was on her chest. He then asks what was on the dresser. I said, the TV was. Then I remember that the TV was on the other side of her when I got in the room. He said, “well the TV must’ve hit her…” My parents and brothers got there in record time and when they got there my Mom asked what was going on. I told her that they said it didn’t look good. She was in a daze and she like me, was saying, “what do mean?”…. By this time more of my family makes it and they give us a big conference room to accommodate everyone. About an hour later the Dr’s come in and tell us that it doesn’t look good and that the damage was too severe. I know that they were supposed to say that. They don’t give us any hope at all. We’re finally able to see her and when we do, oh my God, she looks nothing like herself. She’s swollen and still unconscious. I break down and cry. My mom is crying because this is not our baby. This is not the same baby that was singing and playing with me. I don’t stay in the room long because I couldn’t take seeing her like that. My Uncle Milton goes in the room and see’s her and he says, “She’ll be fine. She’ll be just fine…” I go into a room and I start saying, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…” That’s all I can say. The doctors tell us that we need to make some decisions. My Daddy says that we’re going to let God heal her. So the Dr’s say that at Midnight they will run more tests and they’ll check and see if she has any activity in her brain. Well Midnight comes around and they say they did a test and they detected some activity. So at 6 am they would do a scan on her to see if she’s getting better. Well that time comes and passes and they can’t do it. She has a stroke overnight. They say she’s stabilized and that at 10 am they will test again. This is by far the longest day of my life. Well she doesn’t get better and so they come in and tell us that we need to start making decisions. They say that she will never be the same. So I made the hardest decision that I’m sure I’ll ever have to make. I made the decision to remove her from the life support. I went in her room and I held her for the last time. I sang “Love on Top” to her. I remember singing, ” Chance it’s you. You’re the one I love, you’re the one I need, you’re the only one I see. You’re the one that gives your all. You’re the one I’ll always call. When I need you, you make everything stop…You put my love on top…” While I’m holding her, she feels so heavy. And it seems like she grew overnight.
Everyone takes their turns holding her and at 4:44 pm on April 4, 2012, Sydney Chance Bowles, my baby girl, went to heaven. I’ve never experienced pain and heartache like that. I could not believe that I would be leaving the hospital without her. But I know that she’s better off but I’ll always wish that she was with me.
This year has been extremely hard. But I made it through. I never thought that I would. I didn’t think I would be able to live without her. And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. I remember the good times because those are the only times we had. There were never bad days with Chance. She was a character. She’s the funniest child I’ve ever met. The prettiest little girl I’ll ever see.
I told this story to let you all know that life is not promised. I never realized how true that was until this happened. You won’t understand until something happens to you. It ticks me off when people know my story and they still act like what happened to us won’t happen to them. You’re not exempt. We weren’t.
God makes no mistakes and everything that we go through is for a purpose. Even when we don’t know the reasons. I think about the story of Joseph. He was sold by his brothers into slavery. He was accused of rape. He was put in prison. But through it all, it was for a reason. His brothers thought that they were hurting him but God. God allowed it all to happen and in the end Joseph was the one that helped his brothers. When they finally saw Joseph years after selling him, they were afraid. But Joseph told them, don’t be afraid. God allowed this to happen so I could help you all! He kept them from starving during the famine. His brothers meant it for bad but God knew that it was for their good.
Now I’m not comparing Chance to Joseph but since this has happened, she has saved lives. A lot of people never really thought about the dangers of falling furniture. But because God allowed it to happen to us, we’ve been able to open up the eyes of others. Now do I think it could’ve been done with her still being here, yes. But does God know best, yes! My baby doesn’t have to suffer. She doesn’t have to live in this crazy world. She’s able to sing and dance in Heaven. What more could I ask for? Do I miss her? Yes. But I know that she wouldn’t come back. I wouldn’t want her to. I always wanted her to be happy and now I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is….

Keisha

Dear Chance 

Chance…

It’s been five years since I’ve seen you. Since I’ve held you. Heard you say Mama, Mommy, Brannon, Daddy, Shishard or Memo. Since I heard you ask for a Thomas the train toy or seen you dance in the back seat to “Love on Top”. Five long years since you ran to the door to greet Barney. Or wake TeeTee Erika up while she was trying to sleep. Or punked me when it was time to go to your God-Mommy Lynn’s house by crying until you got five inches down the street then laughing like you were going to Disneyland. It’s been 1,825 days since you kicked me while we were sleeping or cried when Granny tried to comb your hair. I haven’t had one of your wet kisses in 43,800 hours.  But I’ve missed everything about you in the 15,678,000 seconds that you’ve been gone. I’ve felt your absence and I haven’t been the same since. I’ve come to realize that I will never be. Not having you here has changed everything for me. (here come the tears I was trying to keep at bay…)


When I was pregnant with you, I knew you were special. I knew you were a mess when I had to walk around with an IV because you wouldn’t let me eat or drink anything. I was off from work my entire pregnancy. Now I realize that we were developing a deep bond. When I found out you were a girl, the name Chance immediately came to me. People tried so hard to talk me out of naming you that. But the name stuck with me. I relented and put Sydney as the first name. When I saw you, I knew I made the right decision. I wouldn’t realize until later what “Chance” really meant.

You came into this world with so much personality. I knew that you would give Brandon and I a run for our money. While, he wasn’t that excited to know that you weren’t going back to the hospital when you came home, his words were, “When is that baby going back?” In time you two developed a bond that was so unique and strong. He talks about you everyday now. And he finds a piece of you in everything. When you left, some of him did too. It’s so obvious. He doesn’t laugh as hard. Or smile as much as he did when you were here. We try to spoil him with all the love and attention that we can but he misses you. You are his sister and your energy and spunk gave him spunk and energy. He will be fine though. We will all make sure of it. So don’t worry about your big brother. He’s going to grow up and invent something that will make you very proud.


Mommy still can’t watch a video of you. It’s weird to me because most of the videos we made have you saying her name in them. It’s been hard on her. She tries so hard to be strong for all of us Chance. We sometimes forget that she has emotions and feelings too. She loves you like she birthed you. And I know you knew that. She made it apparent in the way she cared for you. Like, when we went into TJ Maxx and you wanted these sippy cups and the princess costume. I said no but Mommy made sure you had it. And when we got home, you had to put it on. Whatever you wanted, she made sure you had it. I can’t wait for the day that she will actually be able to sit and watch a video of you with me. I know it will make her sad at first but I know that sadness will dissipate when she can see your love for her.


And Daddy misses you too. I’m so glad I was able to record you two washing the truck. Or you saying his name. The Christmas videos we have are you are in his possession and I know that he watches them on his own. I think he’s still mad about that yogurt you half ate of his. Lol! He allows me to call and cry when I’m having a bad day because I’m missing you. I’m sure he would have had you bowling or fishing by now.


Shisard(Darrick) and Memo, I can’t even describe the way they feel. Darrick honors you in everything he does. He’s really coming into his own. He took pictures a couple of months ago and he saw this butterfly mural and he took the most beautiful picture in front of it. The first thing he said is, “I have to take this for Chance”. I cried of course.  The ABC’s will never be the same for me. Darrick sang it to you so beautifully. And Memo, he had a tree planted in your honor in Osceola. His school had an entire ceremony, just for you. His wife Tassha even carried your picture around her wedding bouquet. Memo, has pictures of you everywhere. And I watch the video of you all often when you were in the hot tub and the Embassy Suites. You all were having so much fun like you always did. I’m almost sure that we will have a baby named after you at some point. They love you that much.


TeeTee Erika misses you. That woman will call me out of the blue and just tell me about things you two did that I never knew about. She has a video of you eating a cupcake when she let you skip daycare one day. And I have so many videos of you and her arguing back and forth that keep me laughing. She loves you so much that her son Scatman knows you. He never even met you. That’s unconditional love right there.


Your God-Mommy Lynn would have had you all over the country by now. She loves you so much that you’re an honorary Girl Scout. People from all over the country bought cookies in your name. She still has you as her cover picture on Facebook. She misses you too. And again, she has shared many pictures of you that I never saw. You punked her and her family too. They miss their “Candy”.


Your spirit is always around Granny/Aunt Linda It’s nothing for her to call me and tell me about a butterfly that came up to her in the dead of winter. Or when she’s in her yard doing lawn work how you will send her a breeze to cool her off. She has a wall for you in her house. And every Christmas, your tree is put out before any other tree at her house. Paw Paw has a hard time talking about you but he wore a wristband for almost three years from your walk everyday until it broke. He actually never took it off. They miss you.


Poor Barney. You left this earth on his birthday. I have pictures of you sitting in his lap watching cartoons. And I remember how you would run to the door and say his name whenever he would come into the house. He was the best father figure for you. I think you had his heart before I did. The bond you two formed will never be broken. He misses you more than anyone will ever realize.


You have a host of family and friends who have lots of great memories with you. People all over the world know you. You’ve saved so many children, Chance. So many. That’s why, no matter how hard it is, I tell your story. I don’t turn down any interviews or articles that people ask me to do. I have to keep going.  And I won’t pretend like I don’t have bad days. I’ve had plenty of them since you’ve been gone. But I always get a push from you to keep going. And I try everyday.


I ask myself often, “Why did God take my baby?” I’ve asked other people to ask Him for me, because I didn’t think he heard me. I felt like you didn’t do anything wrong that it must have been something that I did to make you have to leave. I wonder what I did. For five years I’ve asked myself what I’m supposed to do now. You are my baby. I carried you for nine months. You were so beautiful. I wonder if you knew that I loved you? I did. I love you so much. I held you when you were born and I held you when you took your last breath. I hope you knew that I was the best mother to you that I knew how to be. I had so many plans for you. But God had other plans. His plans are always best even when we don’t understand them.

Five years since I’ve lost my baby. What’s going to happen to me? I don’t know but I know that losing you is something I’ll never get over. I’ll just continue to learn how to deal with it.

Just remember the last song I sang to you. “Chance it’s you. You’re the one I love. You’re the one I need. You’re the only one I see. Baby, its you. You’re the one that gives your all. You’re the one I always call. When I need you baby everything stops. Finally, you put my love on top”

I love you Sydney Chance Bowles. Save us all a seat in heaven with you. I can’t wait until we’re all together again.

Love,

Your Mom.

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday to ME!!

Greetings,

I’ve turned a year older and I literally feel the age increase in body! It’s funny but true. I’ve turned 36 years old on today but this year is a year of awakening for me. I’ve been in such a funk the past couple of months. Dealing with some health issues. Some deaths in my family. Raising Brandon. Working for Sydney Chance. Trying to date but not getting anywhere. (you can click on Single Life to start reading those stories).

Anyway, I’ve been working on this site for a few weeks. I change something everyday. But I’m pretty pleased with the results. I decided to start following things through. So I’m extremely proud of myself. I hope I can keep this momentum going. Because I have a ton of things I want to accomplish in this 36th year of my life.

I’m so thankful that I’ve made it this far. I know that if Satan had his way, I woulda BEEN out this piece. Lol

If you’re like me, you’ve experienced some heartache. Some disappointment. Sleepless nights. Uncertainty. Helplessness. Unworthiness, so forth and so on. And if you’re like me, these things have totally reshaped you. Sometimes they make you better. And sometimes they change you to the point where you don’t know who or what are you are anymore.

Don’t beat yourself up. It happens to everyone at some point. But the great thing about it is, while you’re breathing, you can let it break you or it can make you better than ever.

Being a woman, we have so many challenges. We’re most times single women. Single mothers. Hard workers. We’re the backbones of our families. But we’re also the ones that have to endure the most. The great thing about it is, God made us strong. And we are able to endure anything.  Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having a hard time. Just don’t let that hard time get you too far down. But even if it gets you down, you can always get back up.

For five years, I’ve been living in a state of confusion. Chance passed away and I became lost. I became depressed. I got sick. I gained weight. Chile, my skin even broke out. I’ve just been here. And you won’t believe it but I didn’t snap out of this until 2/7/17. A month ago when I was out for a walk with my brother and his dog Mitus. I had my music set to ALL of the Beyonce’s songs that I have in my phone and this song called “Runnin” came on. And when I tell you it hit me and woke me up….It did.

See, I got so caught up in my grief. So caught up in the fact that I was single. So lost in the fact that I haven’t accomplished all of the things that I thought that I should have by this age. I thought about the women around me who seem to have it all and I realized that I could too. But then I had to keep in mind that I don’t know the roads that they had to travel to get to that point. I had to remember to, that everything isn’t always as it seems. They seem happy and I hope they are, but are they really? I FINALLY realized that, everything has a time and a place. That everybody has a purpose. And just because mine isn’t social media perfect doesn’t mean that it’s not good.

A lot of women can’t survive what I’ve been through. And I’m not able to handle some of the things that you’ve been through. That’s why we are who we are. And we should be thankful for that. We are all wonderfully made with our own unique purposes. Tap into yours. Don’t live in fear. Don’t let people tell you what you should do. Follow your heart and ask God for direction. Know that it won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

Let me tell you what Beyonce said in her song(she just inspires me so much)

“I Ain’t runnin’ from myself no more
Together we’ll win it all.
Ain’t runnin’ from myself no more
I’m ready to face it all
If I lose myself, I lose it all”

So, don’t lose yourself in your circumstances. Embrace who you are. All of your flaws. All of your mistakes. All of the pain. All of the heartache. Take all of that and be you. Don’t run from anything anymore.

Also Solange has a song called “Rise” and it’s moved me too.

She say’s

 “Fall in your ways, so you can crumble” “Fall in your ways so you can sleep at night” “Fall in your ways so you can wake up and rise…..”

So what she’s basically saying to fall in your ways, the bad ones. Fall into them so you can sleep at night but when you wake up you should RISE! And walk in your purpose.

This is the year of learning and finding myself. If I lose myself I loose it at all….

I can’t lose again. I won’t lose again! 

Keisha

 

 

 

Who’s fighting for you?

Do you sometimes wonder how you’ve made it through certain situations in your life? Like, why your situation didn’t kill you or make you just completely give up on everything? 

That’s because you have someone in your life that’s fighting for you. Even when you don’t see it or feel it. God is still there. Always! Fighting those battles that you don’t even know you’re in. Battles that Satan are trying to take you out with. 

God loves us so much more than you’ll ever know. He’s waiting for you to put all of your faith in Him. He wants you to trust Him wholeheartedly. 

Isaiah 12:12 I trust You to save me Lord God and I won’t be afraid…

When you can’t figure out life and you’re stressed out beyond belief. Look at, 

Proverbs 3:5 trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding…

Stop trying to figure out everything on your own. 

Also, He blesses those who depend and trust Him during these trying times. It’s not in vain. 

Jeremiah 17:7 but blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence 

He protects you because you believe in Him. 

Psalm 91 the Lord says, l will rescue those who love Me. I will protect those who trust in My name..

Don’t worry about what people think about you. Don’t be concerned about who or what they want you to be. Trust that God knows what He’s doing in your life. He knows what’s best. Even when you don’t understand. 

Have faith in yourself and have confidence in your abilities. Follow your dreams. If you want to be a writer, don’t let anybody censor you. If you want to be a singer, sing your heart out and make sure you’re giving the glory to God. Sing for Him. If you want to start a business, start it. But don’t be discouraged if you don’t make millions of dollars your first few months. Perfect your craft and keep going. 

No matter what people think about you, know that God is fighting for you. He doesn’t want to lose you. 

Fight for your marriages. For fight your family. Fight for your friends. They can’t be replaced. Fight for your dreams. Just keep fighting. God has the rest. 

And also, so many are rooting for you. We have to support and generally love each other. Let’s fight for each other. Listen to this song by Mali music 💜

I know they see you and they want you
I know they see you and they want to

Make you who they want you to be

I know that life is tryna to get you

I know that life is calling out to you by your name

But don’t listen, resist it

Keep running, don’t you stop for nothing

Just keep kicking, remember where you came from

Don’t forget what you already know

What you got is amazing, hold that, don’t you let it go

You hold the light, you hold the light
You hold the light and it’s shining

And making darker places bright and you lighter

You hold the light, you got a lot

You bring a lot, you bring a lot

And it’s evident they can see it, they want in it

But it’s not for the taking, it’s not for the changing

No it’s not for remixing, it’s not for remaking alright.

So they lining up to take it alright

I can’t let them take my you, you know I write for you yeah

I won’t let them take you, I won’t let them
I won’t let them take you, I’ll be your protection

I’ll be your direction yeah, I’ll be your protector

You know I’ll rather fight for you, I’ll fight for you

I’ll fight for you, you knowing I’m fighting

Cause I refuse to lose you 

Fighting cause I refuse to lose you…