#All2018…

Life really has a warped sense of humor.

Dating in 2018 is rough. Dating when you’re in your 30’s….a hot mess. People don’t know how to date. These days, texting is the new form of communicating. Social media is the way to see each other. Likes on pictures and SnapChat posts mean that someone MAY like you. Nobody wants to commit. Everybody wants to chill and sleep together but you can’t tell anybody that you’re together.

Um, what?

Single people are having a problem finding someone to marry.

Married people are trying to figure out what they’ve gotten themselves into.

Divorcee’s are afraid to try again. They’re afraid of being hurt and they now have a distrust for people.

To sum it up: Relationships are problems. 

The greatest source of pain and joy at the same time is a relationsh(it)ip. Love is happiness and hurt and at the same time, pleasure and pain. Most people I know, can tell you what it feels like to have love and the heartbreak of losing love. We carry memories of that hurt with us all of the time. I can’t even imagine being trapped in a loveless marriage. But that’s another topic for another day.

These days, people have intimacy without commitment. We say to each other, let’s have sex but don’t expect anything else from me. Um, what? Lets kick it and talk all day, but don’t think it’s too deep. We can go on trips with each other but that doesn’t mean we’re exclusive to each other. Again, um, dafuq?

We’ve gotten to a point where we want love but we don’t trust. How can there be love without trust?

So, what I’ve decided to do is focus on “self love”. The key to personal relationships is Interpersonal relationships. Getting along with yourself is more important than getting along with someone else. If you don’t like yourself, you can’t love me. And vice versa. That’s the ugly truth. How can you give love to someone when you can’t give it to yourself? But what you do is, you fall in love with yourself and become the most important person to you  And then, if you give yourself to someone else, you’re giving them something valuable. Why give someone something you don’t even want? Who does that? That’s the source of all problems. If you love yourself, you will protect yourself from being hurt.

The more you love yourself, the safer a person is with you. People (men and women) want to feel safe when they’re in a relationship. At least I do. I don’t like wondering if your intentions with me are pure or if you’re just with me until the next best thing(or you think) comes along. You aint coming back to me fam. #Nope

Nobody should be your sunlight. You shouldn’t feel that if you’re single, you’re in darkness. Booo, to that mess! You’re supposed to be the sun BY YOURSELF. And when you meet someone else, they should be their own sun. When you get together, you make a constellation. So, in case they leave you, you still have your light. You are no longer a parasite to them. When you come into their life, you’ll help them shine better. That’s self love.

While you’re in your singleness, figure out what you want and don’t want in a relationship. And don’t waiver. Don’t settle and don’t accept things you really don’t want to tolerate. Don’t be afraid to tell someone (male or female) what you will and won’t accept. Be firm on it. A real one is going to respect it or tell you that they can’t do it. At that point, you should be happy that. You don’t have to waste your time with that person.

I advise everyone that’s single to embrace this time in your life. I wouldn’t dare say that it’s easy. I know I exhaust my brothers with my relationship/marriage talks. I want marriage. I desire it. But I won’t settle just to say I’m married and just to change my relationship status on Facebook to “married to….”

When I really think about it though, Adam didn’t even know that he was lonely until God decided he needed a helpmate…..

Maybe I’m thinking about this the wrong way….(to be continued……)

What are some of the struggles you’re having dating #All2018? (I hate that hashtag, btw). What can we do to change the way we view relationships and marriage? Sound off in the comments.

I want a man. But…..

I’ve been seeing this meme on social media for a while. I’ve even shared it a few times because it’s so funny to me. Lately though, it’s been really on resonating in me. I’m realizing how true this is in most situations. Especially with women. Here it is.

How funny is that? Hilarious! But let’s be transparent and honest with each other. We’ve all done this at some point. We sit and home, vent to our friends and family via phone/texts telling them about how we want to settle down and get married. How we want someone to take us out and love us. Buy us small “just thinking of you” gifts. Random calls and texts during the day. Surprise dates at night. Weekend getaways. A companion to sit at home and watch television with.  Someone who’s a great role model for your children. And someone who makes you want to play out Destiny’s Child “Cater 2 You” song.  We want to be singing the song and catering to somebody the way they said.

Let me help you, take off your shoes. Untie your shoestrings. Take off your cufflinks. What you wanna eat boo? Let me feed you. Let me run your bath water. Whatever you desire, I’ll supply you. Sing you a song. Turn the game on” I’ll brush your hair. Help you put your do rag on. “

Chile, this is what we want. But do we really want that?

Let me speak for myself though. I have guys that want to date me. But here I go again. I want a man. Here he comes. Then I’m like, naw bruh, not you! I then complain to people(mainly my brothers) about how nobody approaches me. Next, I take it to the spiritual side. God is sending somebody special for me. That’s why I’m single.

This meme is also funny to me. Sometimes I feel like when I’m talking to God that he’s giving me that face. Like, “Girl Bye!” He’s like, I’ve sent you plenty of men but YOU didn’t like them. One was not ambitious enough. Another one was too busy. One was stuck in his comfort zone. One wore ran over of Timberland’s. Ugh, you’re so petty KB. But honestly, God has sent most of us good mates. But we turned them down because they weren’t packaged the way we wanted them to be. Disclaimer: I’m not telling anyone to settle for just anybody just to say you have a man or woman. But lets stop looking at those things that seem trivial.

Get out of your comfort zone !!!!!!!!!!!

What I suggest to each of us single women and men is to write down exactly what you’re looking for. What are your deal breakers? What do you must have?

I’ll start with some things on my list to give you an idea.

He has to be a man of God. God must come first in his life. But let me say this, just because I want a man of God, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want him to be super fine, with a little bit of swag and a tiny drop of hood. I mean, it’s only right. Lol

He needs to be financially stable. I’m not saying that he should be golfing with Bill Gates every Tuesday but I wouldn’t want to worry finances. He must be able to manage finances.

If he has children, he has to be a great father to them.

He has to be intelligent, so that we can have great engaging conversations.

Now, here comes the shallow part. What does Mr. Right look like to me? I don’t really have a type. If we vibe and have a good connection, how you look doesn’t matter that much. Now, let’s be clear, he has to be handsome to me. Not saying that he has to be Idris Elba fine. But he can’t look like a oompa loompa.

Got it? Good.

I advise every one to make this list. These are not all of my must haves. I was giving you an example.

But what about you? Underneath that tough, raw, honest, blunt exterior of yours. What do you want? Most of you are loving and caring people. Are you going to keep all of that for yourself? I know some of us think that we are strong, independent black women who don’t need a man. But what about some man out there that needs you?-His potential helpmate. Loving strong Keisha, who won’t pull any punches, will always tell the truth, but will love him so much, he’ll believe he  can take over the world. Think of what we could be depriving our potential mates of. Just because we’re scared to think outside of the box or because we’re afraid of being hurt again.

But before we start dating people again, let’s make sure that we’re working on our hearts. For me, I have to work through my grief and some fears I have. Some may have to work on forgiveness, bitterness and man hatred. Let us forget about those that hurt us and didn’t have our best interest at heart. We have to forgive them for us. Not for them. So many of us are holding on to things that are keeping us in bondage. Don’t you want to be free?

Lets start this process over. Email your lists to me. We can go over them together. You can see what I can’t see and vice versa.

Last thing to remember, your journey is your journey. Stop comparing your life to those people you see on social media. Most of them are stunting so hard that even you would be shocked.

Until next time…Let’s be great! Lets be transparent! Lets be honest.

Keisha